Well, what did I think of Dacher's Loving Kindness exercise? I think it was a difficult task. I found it hard to concentrate, and even harder to imagine soaking up someone that I dislikes suffering. This is a task that will definitely require practice. If I could actually learn to understand the technique and not simply consider it as a relaxation exercise, I do believe it would be extremely beneficial. I'm sure we are all aware after Wednesday's seminar that I have work to be done in the spiritual wellness department. I do realize that I have "issues", but getting them corrected is another story. I am attempting to make the changes in my emotional behavior it is just a task that is going to require a lot of persistence on my part. Tonight I am having my first test on how far I have come in the process. My husband and boys are attending a WWE performance, and my daughter is spending the night with her grandma so mom is left home alone. I do not like being alone. It makes me feel left out, and not needed. I had my first setback less than two hours after my boys left. My son text me to tell me they were eating at my favorite restaurant. I proceeded to get angry, and text my husband to let him know it. I quickly recognized the problem and let it go. This is a GREAT improvement for me. I know this is going to be a slow process, but I really hope that I can continue to use Dacher's advice, and regularly perform the loving-kindness exercise to help make myself a better person. Learning that we must love ourselves before we can love others has really opened my eyes. I do not love myself, and if I want to give the best of me to my family, which I do, I need to learn that I am absolutely wonderful just the way I am. I don't need others to make me feel complete. I need to get there on my own. Wish me luck!! Until I have had time to properly experience the process, I do not feel that I can determine whether or not I would recommend this exercise. I think I will need to determine that when I am more adjusted to the process.
A mental workout is exercise for your mind to achieve health, happiness, and wholeness kind of like running is for your body. I must say that I am a little overwhelmed at the thought of spending an hour a day on a mental workout. I have a hard enough time fitting in work, school, family, and physical activity. I guess the best thing to do is to start slow and add a little bit here and there throughout the day. I have taken on this same approach with physical activity. It's probably kind of strange, but since I am having such a hard time finding the time to go to the gym, I have started doing 10 squats every time I use the restroom. It's part of my routine now, like washing my hands. I also throw in a few desk push-ups throughout the day. By now I'm sure you all think I'm crazy. Allowing this time each day to focus on our mental well-being has been proven to increase an individuals psychospiritual life. It expands our consciousness, and opens our heart allowing us to focus on what is important to us, and not petty things that can bring us down.
Here's to hoping I can make the necessary changes to my life to become the best wife and mother that I can be. Out of everything there is in life, that is absolutely the most important thing to me. For ten years my family has put up with the not so "together" Dawn, it's time to give them what the deserve.
Dawn,
ReplyDeleteSo far as I am concerned, you are making great progress on all fronts!
You recognized an unskilled response and stopped it dead in its tracks.
You have begun fitting exercise into little corners of your day (You are NOT crazy, you are a genious!).
And you have begun your mental workouts.
I do mine right before bed, they help me avoid the anxiety that creeps up on me when I'm drowsy.
Since you hate being alone, you need to (in my own opinion, please feel free to ignore me/tell me to butt out) make a list of activities that you can do alone that you will enjoy doing. Not chores (not unless you actually LIKE chores), but fun things, like sewing, painting, reading, origami, beading or photography or something. Anything! Then you will find that you look forward to your alone time!
I find that learning to love myself comes more easily when I start to recognize my accomplishments. You might not think you have any, but you do. Look at your kids! They're good kids, aren't they? You are a big part of that! They are an accomplishment!
And you're husband, he loves you and married you, so you have to be a better person than you think you are. Try asking him what his favorite aspects of you are. You will probably be surprised at the answers. Write it all down! Put it in a private journal and look it over whenever you start to doubt yourself. You ARE a good person who deserves the love you recieve every day.
Dawn,
ReplyDeleteYou're doing great! Learning to love yourself is one of the hardest things to do for some of us. I have episodes like what you described and I know that when I behave that way it makes loving myself evening harder.
What I have found helps me is to write down a couple of my thoughts when I am feeling good. You know, when your self-esteem is at a high point and you really feel self love. Then the next time I feel like I'm going to have another 'episode' I lay the paper(s) inside one of my drawers, in my purse, on the bathroom mirror - anywhere I am going to see them. It reminds me what it's like to feel positive and helps me keep all (well, most) of the negative stuff away.
Dawn, you are already doing what is necessary to change. You think about the exercises more than when you actually do it. Just the ever present thought of trying to change an unskillful behavior, as you did with your husband, is already a lot. Don't think of yourself too little. You are a wonderful person, and, judging by your posts, you try your best to improve. That's all that is asked of you - progress, not perfection!
ReplyDeleteIt took a big girl to do what you did - after the text apologize and then letting go of it? Big, just big. I think you can pat yourself on the shoulder. Good luck with changing more!!
Thank you all so much for your feedback. I will defintely attempt to put all of your advice to work. I need to learn to not expect so much from myself. I can only do what I can, and the rest will have to wait until I have time. Thanks again, I really appreciate all of your positive comments. It makes me feel so much better about myself to hear these positive comments. If I could get my husband to compliment me once in a while it would be GREAT!!! Can't even drag a compliment out of him.
ReplyDeleteHi Dawn... it is definitely a process we all go through to get to integral health. Sounds like you are really becoming aware and that is the first step in the whole process. I had a hard time with the exercise, also. I was surprised at how tense I became when trying to breathe in everyone's suffering... like I could breathe it in, but I couldn't dissolve it. I just started to imagine all the pain and suffering that people endure and it was overwhelming. If you read my post you will see what I realized, though, during that exercise. I wish you the best with learning to love yourself. I have been working on this for a long time and am getting to a better place. I think it's really hard for us to love ourselves. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteDawn,
ReplyDeleteThis is a comment on your response to my blog. You stated that you give and give without so much as a thanks in return. Remember that a true gift expects nothing in return. When you give, I mean, honestly give, the gratification is in the act of giving in and of itself. It's tough because human nature says "you scratch my back and I scratch yours". Giving without expecting anything in return is not a natural act but the point is to go beyond a natural act.
Mack